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| Some thoughts on sex... |
| 06.14.04 (7:06 pm) [edit] |
There are times when I get so turned on by the physical appearance of a woman that I feel an atavistic part of me straining to tear away from the rest and devour her. If you're a guy, you probably know the feeling. And I'm not talking about being turned on by staring at porn for hours on end. This feeling can erupt from the briefest glimpse of a certain combination of curves, from the unconscious toss of hair, from a scent.
What astounds me is how empty that desire turns out to be. Really. I would think that a feeling so basic, so immediate and powerful, must signal Something Important in a larger sense. But aside from the siren song of DNA, the old invitation to mix in that ancient dance, there is nothing. No love. No promise of refuge. Only the primordial cycle that discards individuals to continue the group.
On the other hand, there is the glow, the profound [infinite?] depth of sweetness that is intimacy. While the onset often comes quietly, sub-liminally, the rising tide will drown you in light if you let it in.
Touching my lover, kissing her, inside her, I feel [I become] an immense energy that anihilates "I" in US. I can "see" her breath almost like the waves of heat above hot asphalt. I can feel myself inside her [i]from her point of view[/i]. This incredible connection continues until she comes, or I do.
I wonder if anyone else experiences this? I can think of many reasons why I do, from empathy to drugs to magick to meditation... but none of them can be proven.
The reason I wonder, and why I thought to write this in "public", is that I believe that everyone who makes love with another has a similar connection, whether they are conscious of it or not. And to me, this is the true reason to avoid promiscuity: you take part of every lover with you, and not all of the exchange is physical.
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| Unity |
| 06.14.04 (6:40 pm) [edit] |
there are only two things in the world: unity and separation; one of them is an illusion.
we are inextricably bound together. ask an ecologist. ask jesus or buddha. ask the physicists. you'll get the same answer from each source.
yet we cling with adolescent ardor to the illusion of individuality, perhaps because we think that is the only way to be "free". (we don't want to struggle with the paradox of freedom: you can choose to do anything at anytime; but you cannot choose to do anything that [i]you[/i] wouldn't do.) the essence of the issue is that freedom and unity come from the same source: knowing who you are.
and once you know who YOU are, you will find that we are all united. this is love.
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| A favorite book quote |
| 06.14.04 (6:38 pm) [edit] |
The world has not to be put in order: the world is order incarnate. It is for us to put ourselves in unison with this order, to know what is the world order in contradistinction to the wishful-thinking order which we seek to impose on one another."
--Henry Miller, "Sexus" p. 213
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| a favorite movie quote |
| 06.14.04 (6:37 pm) [edit] |
A few words about searching for something.
If you're looking for something in particular, your chances of finding it are not very good. That's because, of all the things in the world, you're only looking for one.
But if you're looking for anything, your chances of success are very good because, of all the things in the world, you're looking for any of them.
The most important rule is this: whatever you're looking for is usually right in front of you.
--from the movie Zero Effect
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| temet nocem |
| 06.14.04 (6:35 pm) [edit] |
everybody wants you to know yourself. to find yourself. to live your life.
We experience life in cycles of feelings. of actions. of thoughts. repetition. until we begin to believe that we know who we are.
but life is motion. like riding rapids: each time you ride, the current takes you along slightly different ways. until, one day, you're on a new path.
at best. at the very MOST. you can learn who you *were*.
then, if you're lucky, life rips off your blinders. tears away your comfort. erodes the certainties you've ridden for so long.
then,all that crap about "knowing yourself" gets flushed away. there's no time for reflection. for "finding yourself".
now, you're living your life.
the only guarantee is that you will not get out alive.
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| The Flame of Beauty |
| 06.02.04 (5:30 pm) [edit] |
Beauty comes from a certain regular complexity.
In the physical world: the balanced proportions of a healthy face or body that whisper promises to our DNA; the fractal patterns and interdependence of successful ecosystems; the ever-shifting flow of clouds and light on a fall afternoon.
In the emotional realms: the reliability that engenders trust; the compassion that bridges the chasm between heart and heart; the golden beacon that is love.
In the spiritual realm: the pervasive elevating potential of faith; the shadowdance of soul behind the scenes of this life; the omnipresent brilliance of EHIEH.
Where lies the danger, you ask?
In confusing the pleasure you feel at the apprehension of beauty with the desire to get close to the source.
Like a campfire on a cold night, the closer you get, the more warmth you feel. But there comes a point where you cannot survive the burn.
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